Cliff's Notes

So here I sit.

I think this is the juncture in a man's life when he makes the decision to either become a workaholic on the 9-5 train, or pursue something stupid. Right there at the crossroad, do you see me?

With all this time I've got, I could have built skyscrapers. Went back to school. Done something REALLY productive. Instead, by choice, I have done nothing. Simple things. I've sustained. I float. Watch me.

Sure, I am paraphrasing the last 2 years of my life. But honestly, that's how its felt. My life is Cliff's Notes...shortcuts from A to B. Not really anything to tell other than shit thats happened around my house or with the people who rarely call me anymore, or pick up the phone when I need them.

So here I sit. With this little tale of loneliness (which, by the way, will literally will only be read by me). I can think of nothing to do but to turn it into beautiful art, something Ive always done, but I've got no one to help me but me. I've got no one who cares to care about this.

I cant let go of the past. I am afraid to embrace the future. Damn. It felt good typing that.... let's pause while I say that out loud..... that felt ridiculous.

Where did everyone go? I do not specifically remember pushing anyone away. In fact, all I can remember doing was trying so hard to hold on to everything. Maybe I crushed it.

It would be nice to get invited somewhere- or spoken to. Ive always had to the tools to bring folks together. When I say tools I mean people... and not in the bad way (boy, that came out wrong).

So I am going to get back into making music, I suppose. I'm going to pursue "Cousins" with a bit more tenacity this time. And find musicians who believe in it. That's what I'm gonna do. Because I need to. I have to create.