Thursday, December 23, 2010

PERHAPS

Maybe I'll start a band and name it after the "captcha" words that blogspot keeps throwing out so they can prove I'm not a robot posting spam in the "Comments" sections.
So far, the candidates for my captcha band are...

Tersh, Mollada, and finally... Lertags.

Your thoughts?

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

One Red Cent

Today, I actually plan on making a red cent in this little "music career" of mine. Aside from the $125 I "raked in" at Amherst's farewell show (which was the first time I ever got payed to play music in my entire career), this will be the first time as an individual that I ever made money to do something that I truly enjoy. I'll be recording/"producing", and paying studio rent with the money, but hey, it's something ain't it?

Ain't ain't no word, so you ain't gonna use it.

It's silly I guess to discuss manners of money publicly, but I'm poor, so I guess like most poor people, I can be tasteless.

I'm grateful that I get these slow days sometimes at work- I'm grateful that I get to write. And I'm grateful for a little catch up time here at 29th and Broadway. Life's fair enough.

This winter weather is eating me alive! Let's talk about that. When you're a golfer, this kind of weather is the worst. I hate being physically capable of doing something, and having EVERYTHING else hold me back.

What I'm saying is, I hate Kentucky weather. But what can you do?

I've had this window up for about an hour now and I'm realizing, as I'm periodically adding to this update between bursts of business... I have nothing significant to say.

Good day.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Growing "Out"

Wow.

So I found this blog today... about a year after I walked away from one of the most life-altering decisions I have ever made. The decision to leave a 30K a year job, get in a van and play clubs and bars every night- and leave the self that I was, for so long denying, behind.

I read my older blog with a sense of cynicism, but I have to give myself a little breathing room. Who wouldn't? I can certainly say, without a doubt, that I am doing my best to forgive myself, to learn, to take risks, and most importantly, to relax.

Let's not go too deep in this direction, but I want to make a quick comment about our country, and this system we live in, because its relevant...

It's very easy to get sucked into your dreams. I say this because we live in a world that promotes it...in the worst way- and I want to be careful to point out that there is nothing wrong with such a thing because, without dreams, what do we have? But I want to give advice (since you asked for it) to those who want to pursue those dreams...BE CAREFUL. You actually DO have to work for them. And I feel like one of those suckers that thought it was just going to fall into my lap, and that everyone was going to do everything for me. And that my talent would make up for my severe lack of work ethic. THAT is the environment that we live in. That is the new American dream. So be careful dream chasers... Your dreams can turn around and bite you as quickly as you can catch them, and they can bite you as hard as you can run to catch them.

But I digress... I need to do my best not to be naive and think this whole thing was a mistake. Because, as all adults will tell you- WE ALL SCREW UP SO THAT WE LEARN WHAT NOT TO DO. And its all true. Mom and Dad were right. So that's what I am (slowly but surely) doing. Learning.

So in the past year, since I walked away from everything that I thought I was, and became something I believe I might be, I have done the following- in the order that they happened, I think.

1. Discovered the game of Golf
2. Wrote, and recorded 11 songs
3. Found a pretty decent job as a Credit Union teller
4. Got engaged to my long time girlfriend on a weekend getaway to Gatlinburg
5. Lost touch with friends
7. Started Blogging again
8. Oh yeah... and I THINK I booked a show...:)

So, in a nutshell, I'm just looking at better ways to build my character other than traveling and playing music. Not that I have ever hated playing music, but it is really all I have ever known. And since we live in such a world, where the pursuit of dreams are rampant, I figure I'll start trying my hand at things... after all, I know what NOT to do, right?

Wrong. I'm just much better equipped for failure.

And, as far as losing touch with friends. This has been both a conscious and unconscious effort, I believe, on my part and on the parts of others. Was music the only thing that bonded those who have fallen gracefully out of my life? Or was it the only thing that bonded me to them? I suppose it helped. I suppose it was something to talk about at one point. I suppose it was a reason to get together, drink, have a laugh, talk music, talk about other people, a way to assert dominance in a cutthroat environment (I'll leave it at that, and keep the rest of my thoughts to myself).

Honestly, I miss everyone and everything. But that's the cost of finding out what YOU as an individual, without anyone else, are made of. I can't believe that I believe that, but I do. It's part of growing up. Maybe we grow "out" instead of "up". Everyone grows vertically at basically the same rate, but we drift apart horizontally, until we're all out of sight from each other, incapable of holding one another up any longer.

So I guess there's nowhere to go but forward, so I'll keep doing that.

And another thing- What did I have against punctuation a year ago? It makes things so much easier to read when you actually capitalize the first letters of your sentences, use commas, and don't abuse the ellipsis... :)